Hearkening back to his days with former President Obama, Joe Biden summoned up the czar list and appointed Rufus Duhamel to oversee his unintentional pratfalls.
Duhamel told reporters it is his job to make sure that any obstacles in the President’s path will be addressed and eradicated prior to Biden entering or exiting potentially dangerous scenarios.
When asked to further elaborate, Rufus red-flagged areas of concern such as Air Force One, going into full Liam Neeson Taken character saying, “I don’t know what you want, I know you are an airplane, and I will pursue you”. It is to be noted that while traveling on planes Biden is stressed out by the oxygen mask and they will be replaced as it resembles son Hunter’s bong photo #9,900 from his laptop.
Among the other nemeses of the President are, running with dogs, stairs, grass, birthday balloons from Chinese President Xi Jinping-absolutely out of the question and of course sandbags.
The new Obstacle Czar said it is without question, anything that doesn’t serve a purpose on stage or at events will be removed, unfortunately for VP Kamala Harris, it will be necessary for her to keep her distance from the podium. Also, California Governor and presidential hopeful, Gavin Newsom will not be allowed admittance as he was later found disguised as a sandbag backstage.
Furthermore, not everyone believes these mishaps are legitimate. A fringe group went online claiming it was not really Biden that stumbled, but his double and the real Biden is living in a compound in the Ozarks.
A spokesperson for the Office of Presidential Obstacles came out with a statement saying, the sandbag incident was the result of mischievous fairies that wanted to have a bit of fun with the Delaware native to which Joe replied “malarkey”.
Though some like Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez found no humor in it, saying it was egregious and politically incorrect to call them fairies when they identify as tiny-winged people.